if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
