he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
