apparently the secret to your success is patron
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
