Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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