yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Dicks are not precious.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
