I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
