Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
