You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
