It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
