so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
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I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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