after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
