he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
