Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
