No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
