I must be too annoying 4 u.
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
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Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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