No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
