So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
