doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
