She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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