she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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