ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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