I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
