I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
