I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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