I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
