I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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