took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
