trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
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I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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