Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
