Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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