it hurts more in the daytime
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
