listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
