I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
