I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
