I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
