You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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