Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
