I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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