They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
