dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
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Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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