They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
