Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
