Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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