guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
