im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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