I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
