just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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