Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
