Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
even my farts smell like vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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