I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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