I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
vagina is talking i cant
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation