Lets date for the summer
Dont love me in September.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.