Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
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You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
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ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE