You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Dick very happy bro
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
