i just wanna soil my oats bro
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
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So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
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You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
What is this nonsense on the table
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face