party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"