I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Holy sore nipples Batman
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
