So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
they need to just BURY HIM!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Randomize
