hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
