You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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