Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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