Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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