what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
