In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize