I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
